From Abusive Childhood to Global Activist
Global Activist Indrani Goradia reflects on how she resolved her abusive childhood and created a safe space for other survivors of domestic abuse.
In her mid-sixties with seemingly flawless brown skin, wide smiles and brown eyes sparkling with mirth and a hint of mischief, Global Activist against domestic violence, Indrani Goradia, is a far cry from ‘a girl who was always scared’.
During an interview with the Girls’ Narrative Project, Indrani revealed that as a little girl growing up in the north of Trinidad and Tobago, she was constantly hyper vigilant in an effort to avoid giving her Mother a reason to beat her with whatever household item she could reach.
Speaking in the third person, she recounted, “She tried to make herself really, really small. If she was small, then maybe her mother couldn’t find the soft places on her body to hit. She was always hyper vigilant. Always looking around to find the thing that she needed to do or not do to not get in trouble. And that meant being hyper vigilant about what her siblings were doing, hyper vigilant about what was happening with her father; just hyper vigilant all the time”.
As the eldest among her two other siblings, a boy and girl, four and eight years her junior respectively, Indrani found herself being held unfortunately accountable for their welfare and shenanigans; an unenviable position that rarely bode well for her.
One such incident where she was perceived to have failed in her siblings’ duties resulted in her mother throwing a bucket at her, which caused further calamity and severe retribution for Indrani. She was twelve years old at the time.
Trying to paint the setting of this pivotal event, she noted, “That was the day my mother threw a bucket at me and I ducked and it hit the baby. And I got beaten for ducking, because I should have stayed and taken my beating because I deserved it. And so I felt like it was my fault that the baby was hurt and it was my fault that I ducked and how could I have protected myself when something was going to happen to the baby? And with all of that, it culminated into the thought – one thought, one sentence: I will never be like her”.
The Being Seen and Not Heard Era
During these tumultuous years, especially from age 8 to 14, Indrani said she felt as if she was a bad person, as it was the only way for her to understand why ‘bad things’ such as her beatings were happening to her. She had yet to understand that such forms of discipline were in fact abuse.
She revealed that while other adults knew of her beatings, they were probably also doing the same to their own children and it was taboo to ‘bring up your dirty laundry in public’ so there was no real rescue for her at the time.
“And even if I had said something it would have been, you know, I deserved that. Because why else was that happening unless I was bad enough to deserve it? ”